The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
