Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
