There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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