Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
