Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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