i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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