I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
