He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
