I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize