walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
