Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
