seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
