...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
