Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
