god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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