well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
