my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
