so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
