Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
