your room smells of hookers.
And success
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
