There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
