A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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