Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
