My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
