the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
