I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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