i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
