Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Randomize
