Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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