y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Sober January is a disaster.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
