Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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