He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
