Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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