You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the day after is always just damage control
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
