I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
