I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
