Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
