Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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