You're my little dorito
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
someone get that fucking seahorse.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize