i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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