i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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