I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
