The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
