Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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