Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize