It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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