If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
