Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
