I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
