shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
