I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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