I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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