You're my little dorito
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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