Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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