Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
