I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
