btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize