yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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