If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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