Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
you made out with another girl for some wings
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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