It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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