i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize