I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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