It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize