actually, I'm a sock model
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
