I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
