just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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