does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I've blown a few things in my day
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You can't just leave with hair like that
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
