I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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