I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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