imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
