well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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